[closed post -- training]

[onthewillowsthere]

The day after Evil Twin Magnus leaves, Galahad shows up for his training with Lan Wangji exactly as he always does (although later in the day, because Lan Wangji asked him to wait until afternoon to meet) -- if Lan Wangji were going solely on his appearance, he'd see absolutely nothing out of order. He throws himself into the sword forms with his usual focus. But he's gripping the hilt of his sword too tightly, and his movements are tense; he's never graceful, but today he's almost clumsy, and each failure or misstep only seems to pull him tighter, like an overwound watch.

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

Galahad's abrupt flush is endearing. Lan Wangji understands it immediately. He understood the moment Claudius told him the outcome of that romance; he understood how easy it would be, if he thought it would keep Wei Ying with him forever when he would otherwise lose him, to sink his teeth in a little deeper, to bite down until flesh broke and Wei Ying was his in yet another of the many indelible ways that Wei Ying is his.

"Claudius and his companions journeyed with Lady Iceheart to meet Hraesvelgr," he says. "They learned more of the truth from him. They learned why the war had begun. The first king of Ishgard, Thordan, had been greedy. Aether, which is like qi, gathers in dragons' eyes, more and more as they age. The king and his men killed Hraesvelgr's sister so that they could eat her eyes."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad frowns. After entangling Hraesvelgr and Claudius so inextricably in his feelings, the betrayal cuts deeper; of course the dragons can't forgive the Ishgardians for this violence.

[lightbearinglord]

It's still a gruesome betrayal, an unpleasant thought to hold in one's mind. "It was covered up." Naturally. "Ishgard was founded on that act and the lie that kept it secret." Lan Wangji's tea is nearly gone, and he frowns down at the clumping leaves. "Haurchefant's commander, Ser Aymeric, spoke with the Archbishop. He intended to turn him to the truth, but it resulted in Aymeric's imprisonment."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Did Haurchefant go to Claudius then?"

[lightbearinglord]

"Haurchefant had already agreed to follow Claudius wherever he chose to lead." Retelling this to Galahad, as pale an imitation of the original story as it is, has the same effect Lan Wangji felt while first listening to it; Haurchefant feels something close to alive again for as long as his part in the story continues. "Claudius enlisted a group of dissidents led by a woman known as the Mongrel. Her name was Hilda. When Claudius defended her against the unkindness of a knight, she agreed to help, too."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad is certain that Claudius tried to obfuscate the fact of defending Hilda with flowery words and self-deprecating dryness -- that however he explained the story of gathering his dissidents, he will have tried to make himself seem all but incidental. He listens attentively, without comment.

[lightbearinglord]

"Hilda's rebels would create distractions, enough to clear the way for Claudius, Alphinaud, and Haurchefant." He is slightly reluctant to continue, knowing Haurchefant's fate, but there is only one way through a story that has already happened. "They would fight to face the Archbishop, creating a final distraction that would enable Aymeric to break free." A little pause. "When they reached their target, the Archbishop was escaping with his knights covering him. They had borrowed the same power of communal belief that lent Lady Iceheart her power to turn into creatures known as primals. Claudius compared them to walking statues."

[onthewillowsthere]

He tries to imagine what Claudius meant, and what he imagines is the great stone sculptures some graveyards have, the sepulchers cut into reliefs of saints and angels. He imagines those vast impassive figures come to life to destroy Claudius and his companions.

[lightbearinglord]

"Alphinaud healed Claudius' wounds again and again," he says, a little more slowly. "He kept them fighting." As with their own Claudius, the alternate Claudius had been animated, expressive, charming -- and the dullness of his voice as he reached this part of the tale was striking because of it. "It was when they thought themselves safe that one of the knights attacked from above, with a lance that could halt healing aether. Haurchefant shielded Claudius, and did not stop even when his shield broke."

[onthewillowsthere]

"He died," Galahad says. He doesn't often anticipate the way stories go, but he feels a strange dread now about this one.

[lightbearinglord]

"Yes," Lan Wangji agrees, quietly. "He died protecting Claudius."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Is he grieving?" By this he means: is he allowing himself to grieve? Is he admitting how hard a blow this is, and that he was loved enough for Haurchefant to die for him?

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji understands his meaning. He considers, recalling Claudius' dryly casual description of Haurchefant as if he could make the loss sting less by pretending he had never mattered in the first place, the tears in his eyes, the smile that seemed to take him by surprise when Lan Wangji spoke the truth that seemed so clear to him: He loved you. "Less than he should," he says. "But there is still time. I think that it helped him to tell me."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Good." He pauses. "Do you think he will? Does he take care of himself?" Is there someone who takes care of him? Galahad thinks about the tall, pale, beautiful man he kissed, and although the only Claudius he wants to marry and live with forever is the one he has, he does for a moment wish that he could have gone with the other Claudius, to be certain that someone was caring for him. That someone would be able to remind him that his feelings matter.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji's teacup is empty now, and as usual, the leaves at the bottom reveal nothing without his mother's practiced eye. He sets it lightly down. "I think he will." He wants to be honest with Galahad -- always, if possible, but especially about Claudius, whose happiness and safety feel sometimes like a delicate treasure they must pass back and forth between the two of them. So he takes a moment to phrase this carefully and truthfully. "He still has journeys to make, but he is not alone on them. I think that he was only a visitor because he doesn't need to be here. Your betrothed, my brother -- he does. He needs us."

[onthewillowsthere]

That Claudius doesn't need to be here, but theirs does. Galahad's does. He nods. His heart feels too full of hot coals, slow-burning and trembling, distorting his body around it the way heat distorts the air: it aches for his Claudius, his beloved, his betrothed, who needs to be here.

[lightbearinglord]

He can almost feel it, the ember-hot love radiating from Galahad, because he recognizes it, that feeling as cutting as a blade. It's a love so powerful that when Lan Wangji first felt something like it, when he looked at Wei Wuxian and wanted to rearrange every part of himself to make a space for him, he mistook it for an impulse of cruelty, something to be eradicated. He is glad for it, relieved that Claudius will have this, that he needn't suffer through death and loss just to find such an encompassing love. He has suffered enough. "He told me about Gertrude, too," he says after a moment. "Because his brother still lives, I asked after her. He said she is as safe as she can be."

[onthewillowsthere]

As quickly, his heart cools and falls, as he remembers that this Claudius, for all his freedom, still has to consider the brutality of King Hamlet and how it touches the people he loves. Galahad thinks of Gertrude, whose portrait he still has in one of his past sketchbooks -- sometimes he takes it out to remember her face. She was kind to him, on a day when he was little but dazed and hurt. As safe as she can be isn't reassuring, but he does understand it speaks to something beyond his control.

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji watches Galahad's serious face, which he is coming to understand, slowly and steadily. "Claudius will be well," he says. "Both of them."

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad nods a little nod.

Then he's quiet, for a long moment, before he says, "The story wasn't finished."

[lightbearinglord]

"After we reached Haurchefant's death, I did not push him for more," Lan Wangji admits. It seemed enough to have heard that small but important story in its completeness. "I know that the war has ended and that Ishgard's gates are open."

[onthewillowsthere]

"You said there was a young man in his care."

[lightbearinglord]

"Alphinaud." He feels a little secondhand warmth thinking of Alphinaud, too. "He is sixteen and from a place called Sharlayan. Claudius was afraid for him, and I believe he saw himself in him."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Tell me about him."

[lightbearinglord]

"Claudius told me that he had been playing political games he could not possibly win." The side of his mouth twitches with an eloquent little combination of exasperation and fondness, with his assumption that Galahad will follow the throughline from this information to Claudius seeing himself in Alphinaud. "He also told me that, because Alphinaud had always been an outsider, he understood the necessity of finding common ground and understanding. On their journey to meet Hraesvelgr, he became interested in ruins and their architecture."