[closed post -- training]

[onthewillowsthere]

The day after Evil Twin Magnus leaves, Galahad shows up for his training with Lan Wangji exactly as he always does (although later in the day, because Lan Wangji asked him to wait until afternoon to meet) -- if Lan Wangji were going solely on his appearance, he'd see absolutely nothing out of order. He throws himself into the sword forms with his usual focus. But he's gripping the hilt of his sword too tightly, and his movements are tense; he's never graceful, but today he's almost clumsy, and each failure or misstep only seems to pull him tighter, like an overwound watch.

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

Time and repetition have made the words less overwhelming, but Lan Wangji is silent anyway as he thinks of them, of holding onto Wei Ying as tightly as he could hold onto anything. He had sealed his own meridians to buy Wei Ying's life from Jin Guangyao; he had only the strength of his body with which to fold him into his arms and sink into wild, impossible happiness.

[onthewillowsthere]

Lan Wangji's love is palpable, even for Galahad. He senses it like a physical object taking up space -- like warmth emanating from a fireplace. He watches Lan Wangji carefully, attentively, as if he could learn all the subtle important unspoken things about those vows.

[lightbearinglord]

Because he knows that Galahad will not mind, he allows himself to be quiet and still for another stretch of time. The kitchen is silent, too, and clean, because he keeps it that way, aside from the tidy collection of their tea accoutrements drying. At length, he lifts his eyes to Galahad's again. "Do you know yet what you will say?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"Not yet. It's-- hard. I know what I want to say."

[lightbearinglord]

"What do you want to say?" he prompts.

[onthewillowsthere]

"I want to tell him that I love him. That he matters to me and he will always matter. The way he feels matters. The way people treat him. Whether they hurt him or make him happy." His voice is flat, toneless. "He makes me happy. I want to live with him. I want to listen to him talk every day."

[lightbearinglord]

The words are half-familiar and terribly dear in Galahad's flat, painfully sincere voice. "Is that not enough?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"It's not beautiful when I say it," and he looks up at Lan Wangji with the most subtle uncertainty. "Claudius says things beautifully."

[lightbearinglord]

"He will find it beautiful because you said it." A flicker of fondness crosses his face as he looks back down at Galahad. "But you have time to craft something more poetic if that is what you want."

[onthewillowsthere]

"I'm going to try." He thinks of his love letter and how long it took, and how it wasn't even very beautiful. It felt plain next to Claudius' cleverly woven words. He expects their vows will be the same, but there isn't really anything he can do about it while being himself.

[lightbearinglord]

Claudius will find whatever Galahad says beautiful, but he will find it even more beautiful knowing how Galahad tried. The intentionality matters, that Galahad means to carve something out of a difficult medium because he loves Claudius so fiercely. Lan Wangji nods. "Good."

[onthewillowsthere]

He looks up, surprised, as Lan Wangji's approval.

[lightbearinglord]

Giving in to one of his fleeting affectionate impulses, Lan Wangji reaches up to smooth Galahad's hair with his hand. It will make almost no difference to its flyaway nature, but he decides not to resist or to pay too much mind to the pretense that this is anything but a gesture of fondness. "It will mean something to him that you tried. And he will be moved by anything that you say."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Is Wei Wuxian moved by anything you say?" The affection in that touch is both startling and pleasing; it reminds him of the first times when Shen Yuan touched or embraced him, how strange and wonderful it was.

[lightbearinglord]

"Most things." A small smile curls his mouth for a moment.

[onthewillowsthere]

He tries to imagine Claudius delighted by his every word, and then realizes that's already true. Claudius does love when he talks, as much as he loves listening to Claudius talk about Poirot or the cells of Shen Yuan's plant body or the love affairs or people Galahad doesn't care about.

[lightbearinglord]

The smile fades after that fleeting moment, but Lan Wangji's expression stays, by his standards, warm. Wei Ying often exclaims over how funny, how smart, and how romantic he is. These are compliments he never could have imagined receiving before they were married; he would have once assumed Wei Ying was teasing him insincerely. Now he knows how love can make one person fascinating in the eyes of another -- and he knows just as well how Claudius adores Galahad.

[onthewillowsthere]

"Thank you," he says at last.

[lightbearinglord]

"We will resume training tomorrow," Lan Wangji says, meaning of course.