[closed post -- training]

[onthewillowsthere]

The day after Evil Twin Magnus leaves, Galahad shows up for his training with Lan Wangji exactly as he always does (although later in the day, because Lan Wangji asked him to wait until afternoon to meet) -- if Lan Wangji were going solely on his appearance, he'd see absolutely nothing out of order. He throws himself into the sword forms with his usual focus. But he's gripping the hilt of his sword too tightly, and his movements are tense; he's never graceful, but today he's almost clumsy, and each failure or misstep only seems to pull him tighter, like an overwound watch.

Comments

[lightbearinglord]

"Claudius told me that he had been playing political games he could not possibly win." The side of his mouth twitches with an eloquent little combination of exasperation and fondness, with his assumption that Galahad will follow the throughline from this information to Claudius seeing himself in Alphinaud. "He also told me that, because Alphinaud had always been an outsider, he understood the necessity of finding common ground and understanding. On their journey to meet Hraesvelgr, he became interested in ruins and their architecture."

[onthewillowsthere]

They are the same. Galahad does realize that, and it makes Alphinaud matter to him, despite the fact that he'll never meet him. He is a younger version of Claudius, and Claudius is trying to protect him, to make things better for Alphinaud than they were for Claudius, to be a loving guide.

"Claudius encouraged it."

[lightbearinglord]

"Mn," Lan Wangji says, some lingering affection in that one-syllable agreement. "He is proud." Proud even of little things, things that might not merit acknowledgement from a less sentimental man. "Alphinaud also took up less lofty pursuits. He cooked for them at their camp."

[onthewillowsthere]

He doesn't ask whether Alphinaud does it well or not, because that doesn't really matter. What makes Claudius happy is Alphinaud coming into his own, becoming someone who can decide what he wants to do or try.

[lightbearinglord]

After a moment of thought, he says, "It is good for him, I think. To care for a young person who reminds him of himself." It makes it clearer that he himself deserved to be treated better when he was young, that it is not merely the fate of every child to be abused and disdained.

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad nods, because that's more or less what he had already discerned. He's still happy to hear it.

[lightbearinglord]

"For me to hear every story he had, he would have had to stay for months." Another tiny pause, and then Lan Wangji says, "And I did not want to keep him from you." They both know the nature of how time works in this place, so it is entirely possible that he is teasing Galahad, just a very little bit.

[onthewillowsthere]

Although he understands the joke (probably), Galahad's thoughts immediately flash to Claudius lifting him effortlessly onto the counter in the laboratory, Claudius sinking into the kiss so yieldingly, Claudius inviting him to wield him and everything that came after that -- and he flushes spectacularly.

"Thank you."

[lightbearinglord]

The knowing look Lan Wangji gives him is a subtle one, similar to the solemn expression of understanding he wore at Dionysus' party when Galahad thanked him for the meditation lessons. "You're welcome."

[onthewillowsthere]

There are several more long moments of slightly less self-possessed silence before Galahad (still thinking of wielding Claudius) asks, "Do you like telling Wei Wuxian what to do when you have sex?"

[lightbearinglord]

Lan Wangji, halfway through stacking the empty teacups to take them for washing later in the day, stills and looks at Galahad with surprise. Predictably, his ears are warm. He allows himself his own moment of silence before he admits, "Yes." There's no use in lying or obfuscating. Galahad was in the audience at the talent show, and he is betrothed to Claudius, the long-ago culprit behind a truth-compelled Shen Yuan telling Lan Wangji that he had been thinking a lot about him being dominant.

[onthewillowsthere]

Once again he has the pleasing thought that he and Lan Wangji are alike; then he considers the room he and Magnus found in the basement. "Do you ever hurt him?"

[lightbearinglord]

The utterly straightforward way that Galahad is asking makes it easier to push aside the half-instinctive rise of shame that wants him to look away. He thinks of Wei Ying, who examines the bruises and bite marks he leaves with put-upon petulance, then looks down at them a moment later with an expression of soft delight. "Yes," he says again. "He likes it."

[onthewillowsthere]

"We found a room in the basement and Magnus said you would want to know about it. Because it had things for sex," Galahad explains.

[lightbearinglord]

Never mind the absence of shame. Lan Wangji's ears flush pink. He stares. "Why does Magnus--" He attempts to compose himself, sitting straighter and smoothing down the already-wrinkle-free front of his robe. "I found it. With Xie Lian."

[onthewillowsthere]

"Was it useful?"

[lightbearinglord]

He is silent for a moment. The memory is recent enough, and heady enough, to pull at him. Wei Ying teased him all the way down, laughed until there were tears in his eyes at the pink handcuffs with the texture of rabbit fur, picked the lock on the flimsiest pair of handcuffs solely to prove that he could -- and then he went so, so still when Lan Wangji tightened the straps that pinned him, face down, to the table. "Some of it," he says finally.

[onthewillowsthere]

"Good," says Galahad, who understands that in that moment of silence Wei Wuxian has submitted to Lan Wangji all over again in whatever way the room allowed.

[lightbearinglord]

When Lan Wangji meets Galahad's gaze, after another beat, it's a little rueful, though he imagines that he is already, to at least some extent, understood in his distraction. He was better at ignoring it once, because it had been so many years since he had seen Wei Ying alive and because he had never, despite everything that he wanted, seen any of those desires come to fruition. He hesitates, then, and says, with some effort at delicacy, "Is there something you need to ask about it?"

[onthewillowsthere]

"No." He has already gleaned all the information he wanted. He's still curious what some of the implements in that room are for, but that's a question for Claudius, not Lan Wangji. "Thank you," he says, to be polite.

[lightbearinglord]

Uncertain whether he is or is not relieved, Lan Wangji says, again, "You're welcome." He would have felt beholden to answering if Galahad did have questions, because he had no one to ask -- nor would he have asked if he had -- and he wants Galahad to fear the things he wants less than Lan Wangji did, once. He is equally content to let it go and to finish stacking the tea service on its accompanying tray.

[onthewillowsthere]

Another space of quiet. "May I help?"

[lightbearinglord]

He glances at Galahad, abruptly fond again. "You may." But first, after a tiny pause for thought, he asks, "Is it better now?" Even a little.

[onthewillowsthere]

Galahad nods. "I like talking with you."

[lightbearinglord]

Something warm uncoils behind Lan Wangji's breastbone. He could have guessed that, perhaps, but hearing it aloud is a different matter. "I like talking with you," he says, an echo, but one that he means. "It is familiar."