onthewillowsthere

From:

His mind is racing now, still trying to incorporate this new knowledge. If Claudius is dying, then he's right, it doesn't matter (no, it does matter, he will still hate himself if he somehow immolates them both even an hour before Claudius would otherwise die) -- he should tell Claudius that he isn't the person he misses, he isn't Galahad, he's this other nameless person with too many and too few memories -- he has, in the last eight hours, thought that Luo Binghe was more than right about him and maybe saw this in him, but the idea of kissing him spirals him off in another direction (what? why? why? did Claudius kiss Luo Binghe? why does that make his chest ache? is he jealous?) -- he wants to have been missed, he wants to have been wanted, he wants to sink down on one of the couches and press himself into Claudius' arms and be comforted, soothed from his fear (but he can't) (fire burns) -- and who is He? Claudius knows why this is happening, who he was before, who crafted him? can he just ask to be retold his memories? is He someone who can be begged for mercy? -- and so on, and so on, wild unspooled thoughts he can't grasp hold of to try and wind up again--

What he actually does is take a step towards Claudius finally, instead of away from him. He can't manage words.