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[open-ish post]
Oct. 4th, 2023 08:24 amHe (Damien is still how he thinks of himself, though he keeps remembering that other name on Claudius' lips, Galahad, and how it was both entirely unfamiliar and yet from Claudius carried such familiarity that he wants somehow to reclaim it, to be known like that again) is waiting to be restored.
Claudius is going to find Crowley and Crowley will return him to whatever state he was in before he wished (foolishly?) to be made anew. He'll remember whatever it was he was trying so hard to escape (he's still not entirely sure: is it that he was cruel and quarrelsome? is it that he was afraid of being cast aside? is it that he didn't think he could have what he wanted as his true self? all the pieces he's gotten haven't given him a clear answer yet). And then? He's still so new to his new life that he doesn't truly know what he should hope to change.
He wants Claudius to love him, he knows that. He wants everyone to touch him with affection, with gentleness, he wants every willing hand buried in his hair or twined through his fingers or stroking his back, to be gathered in the way Claudius gathered him. Surely he can have those things as Galahad (indeed, he is certain Claudius can only love him as Galahad). It will be all right.
And in the meantime, he's eating something, which for some reason always makes him want to weep with gratitude.
Claudius is going to find Crowley and Crowley will return him to whatever state he was in before he wished (foolishly?) to be made anew. He'll remember whatever it was he was trying so hard to escape (he's still not entirely sure: is it that he was cruel and quarrelsome? is it that he was afraid of being cast aside? is it that he didn't think he could have what he wanted as his true self? all the pieces he's gotten haven't given him a clear answer yet). And then? He's still so new to his new life that he doesn't truly know what he should hope to change.
He wants Claudius to love him, he knows that. He wants everyone to touch him with affection, with gentleness, he wants every willing hand buried in his hair or twined through his fingers or stroking his back, to be gathered in the way Claudius gathered him. Surely he can have those things as Galahad (indeed, he is certain Claudius can only love him as Galahad). It will be all right.
And in the meantime, he's eating something, which for some reason always makes him want to weep with gratitude.
